Stepping Back

 As I tuck my little man into bed each night, I always wonder where his dreams will take him. And, during this short parenting journey we've had thus far, I often have to remind myself to take a step back, to not interfere with his doings and being. The moment I found out we were expecting, I had it all planned out. From the way in which he would be birthed and his rattles and toys, to the food he would eventually consume - I had it all figured out in a way that only those without children think we can do. As they were taking my brand-new, little man off to Children's Hospital shortly after his birth, everything I had planned was turned upside down. His purely organic bassinet was lying empty and my nursing turned into pumping and storing for later, as he lied awaiting his first open-heart surgery. 

I think I was forced to learn earlier than most new mothers that this new little being was just that - a new being with a spirit and mind of his own. We are simply here to nurture, guide and foster him through his days - not to control, or try to control, his every move. He is not a mini-me - his likes and dislikes are all his own. 

When my dad showed up on Ezra's recent birthday with a present he knew I would have probably not allowed - and would have never purchased on our own, I took a big, giant (for me) step backward. After seeing my father's excitement to be gifting this car, and my little man's squeal upon receiving said car, I was so glad to have taken myself and my desires out of the equation. His likes don't have to mirror my own. 

My pre-parenting thoughts of an all wooden toy, all organic house are now replaced with the joy of watching my little man having the time of his life cruising around. Hot Wheels, Legos & Super Heros are here to stay - but I do believe the shelves can be shared with our wood blocks and Ostheimer figures. Making room & respecting each others desires is all apart of living together as a family - including the littles. And, really, what's so bad about a little guy and a car?  

On a recent evening, with Ezra at the helm, we drove just a few steps down the street to some open-space, farm land. With Erik and I atop our blanket, a glass of wine, the sun setting over the Pacific and Ezra fully engaged in weaving in and out of the orchard trees, the three of us had a lovely evening together. Thanks Dad.